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That time of year again

December 17, 2013

I’m making christmas cards again

I’ve no idea why, but christmas really depresses me. Well, thats a lie. But short of having the money to live independently, ship my far away friends and family to live nearby me and live a hermit like existence away from capitalism’s embraces, I’m unlikely ever to enjoy christmas*. Its been such a good year too.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, as a kid I loved the time. But I was also stupid and hadn’t cottoned onto the fact that my family was massively dysfunctional. My Dad throwing the christmas stuff at the wall behind me whilst I cowered in terror defused me of that notion long before I hit secondary school. So after the concept of ‘family time’ being shattered into tiny pieces, sheer materialism was never enough to really fill the void**, especially when as you get older its awkward to ask your folks for sex toys or a form of entertainment they barely comprehend***.

So as I got older and became far more aware of just how much suffering is involved in getting that £20 bit of plastic into a box for christmas, I just abandoned it and rejected the event. I was such a pretentious shite at 6th form I dressed up as a commodified Jesus and took art farty photos showing how much I loathed what I saw as a pathetic time of year.

Still, I do try and make the effort for people who like christmas. I really do, as I understand that it means a great deal to some people. Its just that at this time of year I’m more aware than any other just how much of a vacuous hole exists inside of me and how nothing will ever fill it. The closest to happiness I’ve found is a low key christmas I spent a few years with friends, where it was just hanging out for a few days. But now they live half a country away and living as a peasant probably wouldn’t impress the other half, who likes to know where things like money for rent, bills etc, will be coming from.

As always, this is a ramble, but its especially poignant for me because christmas no longer has a purpose.

By strip mining a religious event for commercial use, we’ve taken a time of the year that used to mean something to at least some people and replaced it with a glowing effigy screaming for more and more tribute to be thrown upon it in the name of capitalism.

I think many people also feel this too, but the all consuming nature of the media and marketing frenzy that starts earlier and earlier each year means we feel compelled to participate, all whilst screaming in our heads for release.

Merry Christmas!

*Yes, I’m aware of the humour that can be gained from realising that you have to pay to get yourself out of the system of capitalism.

**In that respect, despite their problems, my parents raised me well.

***To this day, almost every gaming console is a ‘Nintendo’ due to our first console being an N64. It wasn’t through lack of trying – they just didn’t have much interest in it.


From → Rant

  1. Reclusive Rachel permalink

    Yes! I’m glad I’m not alone. I posted a blog post today about my feelings on Christmas. But, after I posted it on Faceook I thought “uh-oh”. It’s blasphemy to talk about Christmas in any other way than in good holiday cheer! So, I searched wordpress for “christmas” and all I found was post after post about the wonderful holidays. I was starting to feel like the only one until I saw your post! Thank you.

    • I’m glad I helped you Rachel. You must have a lot of very positive friends on your facebook- blooming annoying at this time of year 😉

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