Skip to content

Whine Whine Whine: or white male privilage and trying to understand the equal marriage laws

July 16, 2013

Edit: This piece was written during a period of…lets say…me being an absolute inconsiderate asshole. As such, and now that with the passing of time I’ve been able to see that the views posted in this are not only shaming, but pretty ignorant, I posted this disclaimer to let people know I’m of quite a different opinion to what I had at the time.

Still, rather than delete it, I’m leaving it here. People don’t admit to their mistakes enough and I’m of the opinion those mistakes need to stick around, if only to show that people change and to give them a kick up the ass if they are in danger of lapsing back into that behaviour.

Read on regardless, just bear that in mind.

This is sort of going to veer between a rant and cathetesis with a plea for understanding, for which I apologise. Even though my communication skills are crap, I can normally talk to the other half about this, buts they are unavailable so the void of the internet will have to help instead.

So, as some of you may know, I’m an openly bisexual/pansexual/whatever. I’m not quite sure exactly myself where on the sexuality or gender scale I sit because 1) I’m still trying to sort that shit out in my own head, so how can I definitively say what that is 2) by tying myself down to one label, I get a lot of shit from not only society in general, but the LGBT community for not picking a label and sticking to it. 3) I’ve been put off by said LGBT community from exploring said labels. 4) its confusing. Shut up.

Now I also realise that despite whatever my leanings are, most of the time I have the appearance of a cis, hetrosexual male and people usually take that for granted that I am that when I come into any debate about sexuality. Now, that I can pass for this most of the time means I am incredibly aware of just how privileged I am, in this world which seems to lend itself to cis white men being regarded as ‘normal’.

Even on days when my body and sexual organs just feels weird and I hate it, I can tolerate it. That makes me extremely privileged, because it gives me an out, even if its cowardly, from having to engage in the wider LGBT community, though of course I’m all for equality of all forms.

I will be the first to admit there are a lot of issues that affect the community, especially the trans* community that I’m ignorant of, but I’m trying to educate myself, even when I don’t know where to start.Theres a reason I’ve never really engaged with the LGBT community, but that will have to come up another time and another post.

Which brings me to my main topic. I do participate in a few different LGBT groups, even if its just sort of a occasional post on a social network group or something. In fact, having had the past few weeks go swimmingly, I was even quite happy and willing to participate for once! So someone put up a post in said group about the current legislation for equality marriage, which many people have pointed out is very trans-phobic.

I, probably stupidly, posted that the person was very emotional and were perhaps exaggerating some of the effects it could have. Which was stupid on my part. It was belittling and seemed to convey the thoughts that I didn’t care about trans* people. Far from it, which I attempted to clear up in my next post.

To be called the reason that transphobia exists, a bigot and the reason why oppressive patriarchies exist.

Fair enough, my bad. Again, I was insensitive with my first post. Sure, the poster in question was a white cis male, but hey, he probably knew more than me in this regard anyway. Again, I’m somewhat ignorant on topics like this and happy to be told I’m wrong as long as someone can tell me why, which I conveyed.

To be told to fuck off and that, despite me having no frame of reference as to where to look should ‘Go Educate My Bigoted Ass’. Also, by asking for help, I was using controlling behavior to try and set the tone of the argument, which at this point was me: I want to understand, please educate me mr A: fuck off cis boy.(repeated 5 times)

This went on for a while before I mentioned that I was in fact gender fluid and that a friend of mine who was involved in the discussion (rapidly becoming an argument) was trans* too, so perhaps we could both appreciate some of what he was talking about. But no. Despite essentially him being in the same privileged position I was, I was just wrong because I didn’t agree with him and now I was dropping my liberal white privilege all over the topic, so I should fuck off and go live in the real world (said poster was a student ‘ironically).

I dropped out at this point because I figure a trolls a troll and the poster was just too involved personally to discuss the matter without emotions being involved. Thats fine. I can understand that as I’m more than a slave to my emotions from time to time.

I guess just what gets me is that, this was someone who jumped into the topic and assumed I was a straight cis male. I understand that a lot of LGBT topics revolve around having to state exactly who you are to avoid confusion beforehand, but I’ve never quite gotten why that is.

Why does falling into a certain box mean you are automatically more right about a topic that others? Why does it give you the fight to tell someone to fuck off and that they aren’t welcome in the group, despite LGBT groups being supposedly inclusive and tolerant of others?

So after all that anger, I’ve realised its not productive. So instead of trying to ‘win’ a discussion on facebook, of all places, I want to get back to learning, by listening and being educated by those who don’t have my privilege and who will be directly affected by the new equal marriage laws and the veto  clause contained within it. Trans*  or gender fluid people themselves.

So my question, if people would be happy to educate me, is why does equal marriage jarr with you? How will it affect you personally and why, if it does, anger you?

I’m ignorant and I want to learn, but I don’t know where to start. Please help me change that.






From → Listening

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: